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‘Stairway to Heaven’ turns 40 [Darleen Click]: “
NPR covers the good and bad of this epic Rock classic and offers a few interesting covers. Here’s just one:
(Via protein wisdom.)
All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it’s generic name is Acetaminophen.
Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.?It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of ‘cocktails’, ‘highballs’ and just a good old-fashioned ‘stiff drink’.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
If you don’t send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.
You’ve got to love the Scottish sense humor!!
During his vacation at Martha’s Vineyard- President Obama had been slicing off the tee on every hole.
He asks his Scottish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies: “Aye, there’s a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver”.
The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says: “Nay, the other end, laddie”!!
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the Greatest political sages this country has ever known.
Enjoy the following:
1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence
And find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER…
First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.
I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
Today it’s called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
All politicians will not be paid until they have instituted a debt decrease that is twice the spending each year.
How many of you, if anyone ever looks here, are simply getting tired of DC?
What ignoramuses do we have for not only elected officials but also the president, and all of the f’ing bureaucrats. I am not asking too much…..
“Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.”
Rumor has it that Congressman Anthony Weiner is going to run for president.
He has chosen Attorney General Eric Holder as his running mate.
Get your Weiner-Holder bumper stickers early, before they are all gone.
Dear President Obama:
I am writing today with a somewhat unusual request.
First and foremost, I will be asking that you return America to its August 20th, 1959 borders so that Hawaii is no longer a state and you are no longer a citizen.
Prime Minister
Benjamin Netanyahu
An Israeli Sense of Humor at UN set the record straight.
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in
The United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.
A representative from Israel began: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to
tell you something about Moses: When he struck the rock and it
Brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good opportunity to have a
bath!’
Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the
water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished.
A Palestinian had stolen them!
The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously
And shouted, ‘What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren’t there
then.’
The Israeli representative smiled and said, ‘And now that we have made
that clear, I will begin my speech..’.
We are living longer and we need to move the retirement age up to 70. At that age I will be glad to never take any of the money that might be due me IF AND ONLY IF my maximum tax on any earnings, dividends, wages etc is permanently capped at 7.5% if I retire at the highest age.
SS should eventually be privatized and ALL government workers’ pensions should be moved into the fund and they should be forced to be on the Social Security roles.
Just some thoughts….
Daily Life in Pakistan.
This reminds me a lot of Steve McCurry. Steve had the honor of shooting the last roll of Kodachrome.
Take the ‘Pilot’s’ test below. Warning – it can become addictive! Click on the following site and it will test your knowledge of geography.
Just click on where you think the city is and the plane will land there, then it will show where the city actually is!! Good luck !!
Land The Plane!
We are the only country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed without eating, elderly going without needed meds, and mentally ill without treatment – yet we have a benefit for the people of Haiti on 12 TV stations, ships and planes lining up with food, water, tents, clothes, bedding, doctors and medical supplies. Imagine if we gave ourselves the same support that we give other countries. I feel bad for them, but I wonder who cares about America.
“Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.”
Texas A&M.
ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWBB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL… CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
Little Johnny is not an Obama fan.
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher,
all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different… again.
Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not an Obama fan.”
The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Obama?”
Johnny said, “Because I’m a Republican.”
The teacher asked him why he’s a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, “Well, my Mom’s a Republican and my Dad’s a Republican, so I’m a Republican.”
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked,
“If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what
would that make you?”
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, “That would make me an Obama fan.”
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare… You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’sChristmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and COOKIES in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”
Have a great holiday season!!
Was General George S. Patton Assassinated Sixty-Five Years Ago Today?: “
Sixty-five years ago, on December 21, 1945, America lost one of its greatest champions of liberty – Gen. George S. Patton, Jr., a largely unsung hero today of the Liberal-Conservative battles that have raged in America most of this century. There is evidence he was assassinated.
(Via Big Peace.)
“If we want to keep our nation’s secrets ‘SECRET’ store them where President Obama stores his college transcripts and birth certificate.”
Stochastic Photography: “
By Ctein
I am normally the most deliberate of photographers. As Ive mentioned in previous columns my standard modus operandi is to contemplate a scene, think about the photograph I want to make, make that one photograph, and move on. As Ive also mentioned, I dont think thats inherently the right way to make photographs (I dont think there is an inherently right way). Its just what works for me.
Except when something else works better. Last summer I started indulging in what my friend David Dyer-Bennet (DDB) has dubbed ‘stochastic photography.’ A refined and elegant term for a style that he says some folks sneeringly referred to as ‘spray and pray.’ The results of been extremely gratifying; Ive made several portfolio-worthy photographs that I couldnt have had I pursued my usual deliberate manner.
This two-step technique may be summarized quite simply:
A) Make a whole lot of photographs, trusting to luck that you have captured some invisible ‘decisive moment.’
B) Chimp and pixel-peep like mad.
(Via The Online Photographer.)
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