(Via A Land Called America.)

(Via Michael Moriarty.)

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal [...]]]> California: The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out, bites the Governor and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness” program for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
8. The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack somehow and for letting the Governor attempt to intervene.

9. Additional cost to State of California: $75,000 to hire and train a new security agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

10. PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files suit against the State.

Arizona: The Governor of Arizona is jogging with her dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks her dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with her State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, boys and girls, is why California is broke …………….

(Via .)

Today’s Deals

Ok, let’s say you pick out the finest symphony conductor in the world, add [...]]]> After being in the music business for 52 years it’s just about all I know; anything at all about–and in keeping with my admittedly narrow knowledge–I would like to draw an analogy concerning the Obama administration, viewing things from my vantage point.

Ok, let’s say you pick out the finest symphony conductor in the world, add the greatest singer and seven or so of the finest classical musicians on the planet.

You get them together backstage and say, “Alright, there are twenty thousand fans out front, standing room only, expectations are off the charts, they are looking for the best show they’ve ever seen.

Now the curtain goes up in five minutes, the sound has been checked out, the lights set and everything is perfect, the stage is set for the greatest show the world has ever seen.

Now get there and knock ‘em out guys! They’re all with you; you’re all superstars in their eyes. Go show ‘em how it’s done.

Oh, there’s only been one change… Tonight you have to do your show playing songs you’ve never played and you’ll have to improvise. There’s no sheet music. You’ll just have to jam.”

Can you imagine the panic backstage?

You see, some of the very finest musicians on earth can’t jam a lick. I remember a few years ago when I had a couple of young fiddle players come on stage with me and play “The South’s Gonna Do It Again.”

They had learned the parts I’d played on the record, arrangement, lead lines and all and played it perfectly note for note.

Everything was going swimmingly until I decided to leave the arrangement and jam for a while. When I turned to one of them and told them to take a solo the kid was as lost as a baby sheep in a hale storm.

They had no more idea about improvising than they did about how to build a spaceship.

“The South’s Gonna Do It Again” is a simple twelve bar blues song that any musician from any garage band would be able to take a solo on, but even though these kids were extremely talented and played what they knew perfectly, when it came to jammin, they were totally lost. They had just never learned to do it.

To me the presidency is kind of like jammin’. You have to roll with the flow, improvise, adapt to the moment, pick up on what’s going on and deal with it.

Our president has never had to jam, he’s always had the sheet music in front of him and he’s never had to play a note somebody else had not written for him.

One of the biggest mistakes President Obama made when he came in office was to surround himself with a bunch of players who had never jammed either. None of them have ever had any practical experience in the real world.

In essence, they are a bunch of paper tigers, they do an incredible job of spending other people’s money and sneaking legislation through the back door, but out in the real world, where there are no scripts, down where the rubber meets the road there is probably not a person in the bunch who could change a flat tire, much less deal with the complex problems America faces.

The only thing Obama has done with any problem that has arisen is to throw money at it, and in truth, that’s sadly all he knows how to do.
When it comes to dealing with things that money alone won’t fix like busted oil pipes at the bottom of the ocean or solving the problems on our southern borders he’s lost and all those around him are lost.

The Obama cabinet is the most inept bunch imaginable. When people have only viewed the world from the top of an ivory tower they don’t react very well when it’s time to get their hands dirty.

Obama’s people can’t even accept real world concepts of the dangerous situations we’re dealing with. Eric Holder wanting to try terrorists in civilian courts, in New York City of all places is nothing less than naïve arrogance.

Janet Napolitano’s gross inexperience in dealing with security matters is going to end up costing this country dearly.

Putting an unqualified person who has never even been a judge on the bench of the highest court in the land, for nothing more than her political leanings is insanity.

Everywhere you look you see eggheads with nothing more than a college degree to qualify them for the sensitive jobs they hold.

I’m just wondering how long it will take for a majority of the people in this country to realize that the wheel that steers the direction of this nation is in the hands of people who have no idea how to get from point a to point b without a roadmap and that roadmap just doesn’t exist. Every trip is different.

I see disaster looming on the not too distant horizon, financial disaster, increasing danger from terrorist attack, unabated violence in the streets and an arrogant and unmanageable illegal alien population.

It’s coming folks and Obama and the band are still in the dressing room looking for the sheet music.

They just can’t jam.

What do you think?

Pray for our troops, and for our country

God Bless America

Charlie Daniels

(Via Macsmind – Home of the MacRanger Show.)

(Via .)

A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a  story, and listened to her prayers which she ended by  saying: “God bless Mommy, God bless  Daddy, God bless Grandma  and good-bye Grandpa”.

A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a  story, and listened to her prayers which she ended by  saying: “God bless Mommy, God bless  Daddy, God bless Grandma  and good-bye Grandpa”.

The father  asked, “Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?” The little girl said, ”I don’t know Daddy, it just  seemed like the thing to do.”

The next  day Grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened  to  her prayers, which went like this: “God bless Mommy, God  Bless Daddy. And good-bye Grandma.”

The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with  the other side.  Several weeks later when the girl was  going to bed, the dad heard  her say: “God bless Mommy and  good-bye Daddy.”

He practically went  into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at  the  crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in, and watched the clock.

He figured if he could get by until midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end  of the day, he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived. He breathed  a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?”

He said, “I  don’t want to talk about it. I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”

She said, “You think  you had a bad day. You’ll never believe what happened to  me… this morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a [...]]]> The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!”

Pelosi replied, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope backhanded the Bitch.

Harry and the salesman go back to the office [...]]]> Sen. Harry Reid goes to a local GM dealer in Washington, D.C. with the intention of buying a brand new vehicle. Harry looks around and finds one he likes. After going back and forth with the salesman, Harry settles on a price of $45,000.

Harry and the salesman go back to the office to complete the
paperwork. Harry works out a 4-year payment plan, and signs on the bottom
line.

The salesman shakes Harry’s hand and says, “Thanks Senator Reid, the car
will be ready for pickup in 4 years.”

Harry says, “What are you talking about? Where are the keys to my new
car?”

The salesman replies, “No, you don’t understand Senator. You make payments
for 4 years… THEN we give you the car. You know, just like your health
plan.”

Harry, with a choking voice, says to the salesman, “But that’s not fair”.

And I say without any doubt or embarrassment:

NO S##T, Sherlock !!!

Get with the program Harry !!!

In the past year you have taken away my favorite actor (Patrick Swayze), my favorite actress (Farah Fawcett), my favorite musician (Michael Jackson) and my favorite salesperson (Billy Mays).

I just wanted to let you know that my favorite legislator is Nancy Pelosi.

Amen

It has it’s problems too. Sometimes when braking the RPM will stay at 2,000 to 2,500 at a full stop.

It will be recalled because of a steering problem. I noticed this on the second day. It would not automatically straighten out after making either a tight right or left hand turn. It would continue steering [...]]]>

It has it’s problems too. Sometimes when braking the RPM will stay at 2,000 to 2,500 at a full stop.

It will be recalled because of a steering problem. I noticed this on the second day. It would not automatically straighten out after making either a tight right or left hand turn. It would continue steering into the turn. I told the dealership about this and they said there was no problem.

UPDATE: It is being recalled for the steering problem.

Government Motors is all powerful.

He asked, “What are all those clocks?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands [...]]]> A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, “What are all those clocks?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”

“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Incredible,” said the man. “And whose clock is that one?”

St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire Life.”

“Where’s Barack Obama’s clock?” asked the man.

“Obama’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”

Congratulations to Scott Brown and to the people who voted him the new Senator from Massachusetts.